I know I’m not the only human to linger on thoughts that end up either confusing you or having you end up feeling this unsettling uncertainty.
Recently I’ve been playing a very dangerous game. A game that if I’m not careful my thoughts will trigger stronger emotions than what I’m already willing to invest. It’ll trigger feelings of pointless hopes, of unneeded despair, of torturous fears slithering around your throat leaving you gasping for something different – for anything different -, feelings so beautiful that you wish more than life for them to become real even though you know it’s an illusion.
I know I have to stop playing this game with my mind, but I’m finding it harder and harder to stop every time my mind takes a turn back to all those what-ifs.
What if… What if…
There are many benefits and accomplishments with what ifs, I know that, I don’t have to look that far into humanities’ history to see that, but there is a whole other side that we struggle with and we tend to avoid – that we want to and try with all our might to avoid.
This agonizing side of what ifs have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. We must not, as strong human beings, let this side of our hopes, needs, and despair control us and yet I feel myself more often than not slipping into its increasingly constricting grip. How do we stop our overemotional imagination from blanketing us with such haunting ataxia? Well, I haven’t figured out how yet, but I’ll keep fighting my disillusions the best way I can. Oh, what ifs and the tortures that come with is a game that shouldn’t be trifled with.
A never-ending game! – ♥AR